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The Breast Spa {part 2}

{note: read part 1 first}

“Okay.  Some warm gel now, ” he said.

“Oh!  That’s so nice that it’s not cold,” I said surprised as he smeared the warm gel over my boob and pressed the ultrasound paddle against my lumpy, bumpy breast.

“We’re like the spa,” he replied smiling.

It’s true.  They kinda are like the spa with the robe, dim lighting, soft music, and warm gel…except for the part where he sticks me with a big, fat needle!

After a few minutes of slipping and sliding around my boob he said, “I don’t see a mass.  I see a cyst and a little oval shape behind this vessel.”

That must have been the vessel the surgeon hit, I thought.

“But, I don’t think it’s a mass,” he continues, “I think it’s an injury to the artery from the last biopsy.  Look at this.”

He goes on to show me where the cyst is.  It’s buried underneath a lot of breast tissue.  He said it’s probably been there for a long time even though I just found it a month ago.  Then he shows me the other dark spot and there’s this red and blue line pulsing in front of it.  He says it’s the artery and that because it’s traversing the dark spot, that it’s probably not a mass and most likely nothing to be concerned about.

Honestly, I couldn’t make the connection between what he was saying and what he was showing me.  The screen was fuzzy and things kept moving.  He spoke in probably’s and most likely’s.  I wanted to see and hear something concrete; something I could wrap my hands around and hold onto.  Instead the only thing to grasp was faith in his opinion, which he seemed kind of skeptical about himself.  But, he was certain about aspirating the cyst instead of doing another biopsy, which was such a relief to me because that meant no more spring-loaded needles!

She came over and wiped off all the now-cold gel and washed my breast with red sponges of betadine soap.  Chills ran up and down my body.

“Can you roll over towards the wall please?” she asked and wedged some cushions underneath my side and bottom to prop me up.

“Okay, now lift your arm up over your head and rest it on the pillow.”

Could this be any more uncomfortable? My fingers stared to tingle and I wondered how long I could hold this twisted and skewed position.  Well, if my arm and back hurt, then maybe my boob will hurt less!

He draped sterile towels over my chest leaving only my boob exposed.  “Please don’t touch these,” he instructed.  “Okay, a little pinch now.”

I turned my head away from him searching the blank white wall for something to focus on.  Why didn’t they have beautiful artwork in here like they did in the hallway?  What kind of spa is this anyways?!

The Breast Spa {part 1}

If us women paid them as much attention as the guys do then maybe breast cancer would be a thing of the past!

Photo artwork by classic perfection

“Ms. Rae?”

“Yes,” I answered standing up.

“Right this way please,” she pointed through the doorway and down the hall.

“Can my husband come too?” I hoped.

“No, not right now. Maybe later. We’ll see what the doctor has to say.”

“Okay,” I shrugged and walked through the door alone.

She led me to a dressing room just like the kind they have at Macys filled with multiple stalls and doors with sliding chrome locks.

“Take everything off from the waste up and put this on,” she instructed handing me a thick cotton robe with the words Breast Center embroidered in pink across the front pocket.

–

When I cam out of the dressing room she wasn’t there. Do I go find her? Is she waiting for me somewhere else? I glanced around the corner in the hallway and didn’t see anyone. So instead I sat down and started reading People magazine. There was another lady waiting, but she didn’t look up and I just knew it was better to sit quietly without talking. My husband was only a few steps away behind the closed waiting room door, but I felt so alone.

“Okay, Ms. Rae, come with me.”

Tucking my lonliness safely away within the pages of People, I put the magazine back on the table and shuffled down the hall in my robe, jeans, and red tennies.

“How does your husband do with blood and needles?” she asked.

“Yeah, not so good. I guess it’s better if he waits outside.” Oh my gosh. Am I seriously giving up the comfort of my husband voluntarily? I really wanted to feel the touch of his fingers around my hand. Something to hold onto. Eyes to look into that would show me that I’m safe. That I’m okay. But, I gave it up. I let it go. And I ignored my need for his presence to spare him a few moments with a needle and possibly some blood. I pushed it all down to make it easier for him.

–

I climbed up the stairs and made myself as comfortable as possible on the cushioned table.

“Is music okay? she asked.

“Sure,” I replied and she flipped on some classical tunes.

“I’m going to go get the doctor now. I’ll be right back,” she said dimming the lights before leaving me alone.

And as soon as she left, it hit me: the vulnerability. I felt so small on this huge table and even the ultrasound machines were bigger than me. I glanced around the room looking for something to make me feel better. Tears began to swell. I wanted to run and go get my husband. But, the door opened and there they were. I quickly shoved the tears back into the deepest, darkest part of my soul and looked at the doctor.

“Hi, Ms. Rae,” he said. “Are you ready for your procedure?”

“Yes,” I lied with a smile.

Family Mixed with Love & Anger

The Family of Sunflowers

Photo Artwork by job_earth

Over the weekend I got angry. And for those of you who know me, you know that I am usually an abundant fountain of peace and serenity. But, there are simply times in life when getting angry is exactly what’s called for in order to make some much-needed changes.

My husband and I invest a ton of time, energy, and money in our role as parent. Lately we haven’t gotten the return on investment that we would like and now I am determined to shake things up. Furthermore, I’m determined to do so without spending more energy and draining the life out of us. The thing is we put so much pressure on ourselves. If feels like that is actually our biggest challenge. We don’t need to invest more energy. We need to invest differently. We need to give more where it counts and give less where it doesn’t. I have no idea how I’m going to make this happen. But, I know I can do it!

One thing that I’ve already learned through our recent experiences is that if I am working double and triple time to fix and solve my teen’s problems that they don’t have to. I mean, why should they if someone else is willing to do all the work? So part of how I’m going to do things differently is to approach parenting with a different perspective. Here it is:

It is not my responsibility to fix my teen’s problems. It is my responsibility to teach them how to fix their own problems; how to find, create, and discover their own solutions because the longer I try to fix their life, the longer they will blame me for it. Simply stepping into this perspective and approaching their challenges from a different place really empowers me. It allows me to see their challenges with more clarity from a healthy distance. Plus, I am being respectful of their impending adulthood and independence.

Even though I do not like getting angry, I am so grateful that anger came knocking on my heart and woke me up because now I’m more inspired than ever. I am on a mission to improve my family life and relationships and I am dedicated to sharing it all with you as I go. I have half a dozen articles brewing in my heart, mind, and soul to help people transform their family relationships, learn how to use anger as a tool, and all without becoming a control freak or burning out. If you’d like to be a part of this process, then I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter. Simply send an email to simplewayscoach@aweber.com and you will be signed up to receive my monthly newsletter, free eCourse (coming soon) and all sorts of subscriber specials. Let’s take this journey together!

Life Coaching Perspectives, Questions & a Challenge

The above photo was an accident and I simply love it. So many of life’s jewels are revealed through mess ups. What can you transform into a life lesson?

Sometimes the foreground of our family life can appear pretty and put together; while the background is dark. What’s in the background of your family life?

When I walked past this flower I was captured by the lighting. What are you highlighting in your family life and relationships?

I just love that we have enough sense to plant and nurture flowers in our concrete jungles. Within the next 24 hours, go for a walk and intentionally notice all the beauty in your neighborhood.

My TeenView

Day 43: No Love, No Glory

Photo artwork by Liel Bomberg

I love teens. I think they are super cool human beings with such vitality, humor, and style. I love spending time with them and I super enjoy when I have the opportunity to work with teens. It’s such a challenging time in life and I know that when I was a teen I needed more support than I received. I pay attention to the teens in my community. I look them in the eye and say hi. I also notice how people treat them and vice versa. So I thought it would be neat to share with you some of what I’ve learned about teens in my life and career as a Teen & Family Coach…

Teens are often criticized for things that come natural.

Teens aren’t always taken seriously and they are commonly discriminated against simply for their age.

Teens are expected to behave like adults even though they aren’t adults.

Teens aren’t adults - no matter how much they look and act like them, they aren’t and should be treated accordingly - this does not mean we get to look down on them - it does mean that we get to be ultra compassionate and understanding.

Teens are expected to have things figured out that most adults haven’t figured out yet.

Teens can see right through adults.

Teens are just learning the range of human emotions and are in the process of learning how to deal with them. A lot of adults don’t know how to appropriately process their emotions. This is a human challenge; not a teen challenge.

Teens push boundaries. It is human nature.

Parents cannot control their teens (or anyone else for that matter). They can only control how they respond to their teens.

Teens need to take risks.

Teens need at least one adult outside of their parents that they can turn to for support, guidance, and love.

Teens need to express themselves.

When teens are freaking out and lashing out, they need parents who can remain calm and hold them accountable.

Teens know how to push their parents buttons.

Teens need a safe space to learn how to take responsibility.

Teens are ultra sensitive about their bodies - who isn’t really?!

I’d love to hear your thoughts, perspective, and ideas about your TeenView. What parts of my list do you agree with? Disagree with? And what would you like to add? Please, comment away!

Cure to Insecurity?

This morning during my meditation God and I had this conversation:

~ God, what is my greatest challenge in building a coaching practice?
{note: this question was inspired by Cheri Huber in my daily read of Making a Change for Good A Guide to Compassionate Self-Discipline}

~ Not believing in yourself.

~ But, why? Why don’t I believe in myself? When I do what I do, I do it well. And when I see others do what I do, I feel I can do it better. Why don’t I have a solid sense of confidence? Oh my! I just revealed that I believe there’s a “once and for all” cure to insecurity!

~ It does not work that way.

~ I know! So why am I hitting my head against the wall?

~ Because it feels good to at least a part of you.

~ But, why? Oh my goodness, because I can control it! I can control ramming my head against the wall. But, I can’t control whether or not someone hires me. This owning your own business thing is like a perpetual, never-ending job interview!

~ It’s always about giving up control for you. The more you let go, the more success you will enjoy. Let go of perfectionism and be yourself. You are talented and here to serve a big purpose. The world needs you. Families need you.

~ Okay, God. I open myself up to receive your strength. I am willing to let go of trying to control the process. I am willing to put myself out there because I know you will never reject and abandon me no matter what happens. I trust you will not lead me to failure. In fact, in my head I already know that your intention is to lead all of us to success, deep fulfillment, and loving relationships. It is time for me to practice all of this in my heart. Thank you for infusing me with compassion, understanding, and inspiration this morning. I love you!

Confusion is a Gift from God

Pook-a-bee

Photo artwork by Coach Cassandra

It takes a lot of strength to stand in the frightening space of “I don’t know.” There’s this push - by society, our families, ourselves - to have everything figured out and broken down into nice, neat little steps.

But, then life happens. Emotions come crashing in. Confusion swirls all around. And we find ourselves losing our grasp on who we thought we were and questioning everything.

And to that end I scream, “Hallelujah!”

Because we don’t figure out who we are when we’ve got it all figured out. Nope. We learn who we are and what we’re made of through that dark space of I don’t know because it inspires us to open doors and windows into our soul.

We feel misery and we search for more.

We feel pain and we search for healing.

We feel confused and we begin to question.

So that we can discover who we really are beneath our careers, our roles, our clothes, our makeup.

And we are beautiful.

We are talented.

We are playful.

We are sensitive.

We are human.

And as much as I hate feeling confused, I know that it is a gift from God. It is a message from my deepest knowing that is asking me to slow down, shine that light of awareness, and throw open a new window. Yes, it’s scary. And uncomfortable. But, it’s worth it. Because pretending I’ve got it all figured out and hiding behind perfectionism is a death sentence I’m not willing to serve.

Think Highly of Yourself - Your Kids Deserve It!

This past Sunday at church the pastor said, “There is a theory in psychology that says you will think only as high of yourself as high as the person you hold the highest thinks of you.”

He then immediately repeated it for us because it’s a lot to wrap your mind around so I’m going to share with you what I heard:

You will think of yourself only as high as your parents think of you.

Holy cow, Batman!

As soon as I heard this I thought of my own parents - and then, that I’m a parent. And I must admit, that I think there is some truth to the theory. But, it’s also not the end-all, be-all. I mean, at some point in life (and hopefully sooner rather than later) we all have to take responsibility for how we think and feel about ourselves.

At the same time, parents do have a tremendous impact on our lives and I immediately wanted to turn to my daughter who was sitting next to me and tell her how much I love and believe in her. It’s just so easy to focus on what I think she needs to improve or strengthen. But, then I’m a mom who gives the message that you’re not good enough.

And she is good enough.

She is amazing.

And beautiful.

Dramatic.

And caring.

Carina with my dad

Thinking of my own parents I see how their relationship with my grandmother dramatically affects their level of happiness and confidence.

My Grandma

I used to have an extremely strained relationship with my mom - until we did the work to heal it. We were both holding on to old stuff - hurts we’d never addressed. But, she went with me to a coaching session and we learned how to communicate tough truths with compassion and grace. I used to feel like she was one of my biggest challenges and now she is one of my biggest supporters.

My Mom

I guess what all of this is boiling down to is that parents make a HUGE impact - positively and negatively - and I encourage you to take the time to explore how you feel about yourself, your parents, and your children because it makes a HUGE difference in your life and the life of your children.

And then get together for a BBQ and eat smores because food always helps bring people together!

The Ocean Brought Us Together

On the 4th of July we went kayaking in the Elkhorn Slough of the Monterey Bay. Alex and Carina had never been kayaking before and what can I say? It was quite an adventure! This was Will’s view of Alex in their kayak. We do tend to pair up by gender. Interesting.

From left to right: my daughter Carina, my nephew Alex, and my husband Will. I snapped this photo right before we jumped on our kayaks and headed out into the slough.

We let Carina decide who she wanted to pair up with and she chose me. She said she felt safest with me, which is kind of ironic considering that Will is bigger and stronger than I am. But, I guess safety isn’t always a physical thing. In fact, Carina is also bigger and stronger than I am!

The Elkhorn Slough - which is part of the Monterey Bay in Moss Landing - is an awesome place to check out the wildlife. Although, I’m not so sure how “wild” they are! The sea otters probably think they are related to kayaks and boats :~)

One thing that is really cool about my family is that we enjoy spending time together and we can laugh. In fact, the funniest part of my day is usually at the dinner table with Will, Carina, and Alex. I mean, you probably wouldn’t want to join us because everything is a sexual innuendo and we talk about all sorts of gross stuff like poo…but, I guarantee you would laugh!

I swear I must be part monkey…look how happy I am munching my banana.

I didn’t really torture Carina. Well okay, I might not of actually hit her with my oar, but just being out there was torture for her!

Did you know that you can sun even in the fog?

I’m so proud of Carina for getting out there on the kayak in nature. This isn’t her thing at all. In fact, when we were trying to figure out how to steer (which was REALLY hard!) she said, “Get me off this thing! I don’t do nature. Take me to the mall!”

On the way back in, we had a super hard time going against the current. At one point we bumped into a pylon underneath the bridge because the current was so strong. She was on the verge of tears and I felt like strangling her (when she gets scared she lashes out at me because I am the cause of everything evil :~). But, we pulled it together. We oared in unison until we were on the other side. And we did make it back safely without flipping our kayak.

You know, kayaking truly is a great way to come together as a family and I’m glad we did it.  When was the last time you went on a family holiday with your bunch o’ monkeys?!

**Photo credit: My husband Will took all of the photos except the one that he is in.  I took that one :~)